WEEK COLLECTION 31

2018, Photography

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It has been a long time since I posted something on my blog. Last year I took you with me on my struggle with a burn-out. I have come long way since them, but I’m still not at a point where I want to be. It is often a two steps forward, one step back process. And I need to take my time. I am able now to deal with doubt and anxiety. And I see and feel a lot more positiveness.

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One of the things I strongly notice is the desire to get out and photograph again. And I also sense a strong emotion that is withholding me from doing it. Photography is on my mind though. I gradually try to find a balance between family, work, and creating time and space for my photography again.

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I know, and also strongly believe, that I will start making photographs again. I long for the feeling of getting in a flow again, the stream of unconsciousness. I don’t feel the need to push it.

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So today’s collection is a small and moderate set of photographs from all the weeks I didn’t share any work.

All photographs by Wouter Brandsma

WEEK COLLECTION 28

2017, Photography

I have a burnout. It is what it is. I feel detached, and filled with doubt and anxiety. It crushes me. For sixteen years I ran on adrenaline, got in a survival mode with my wife to cope with our family situation, and the system that is me now came to a hold. I’m tired, exhausted in fact. I have to refuel and strengthen myself again. I’m working on it.

Therefore my collection of photographs is small, and to me it feels unfulfilling.

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All photographs by Wouter Brandsma

Self-doubt

2017, Photography, Quote

Lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities, like motives, personality, thought, etc.

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his later years were plagued by self-doubt

uncertainty, hesitancy, indecision, vacillation, doubt

Self-doubt might not only be harsh for your creativity, it more so strongly affects your ability to life freely and enjoy things. It is however the state I’m in, beyond melancholy.

Photograph by Wouter Brandsma

Anxiety

2017, Photography, Quote

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

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he felt a surge of anxiety

worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, consternation, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, perturbation, fretfulness, agitation, angst, nervousness, nerves, edginess, tension, tenseness, stress, misgiving, trepidation, foreboding, suspense

Don’t misinterpreted this as photography anxiety, but see as a deep personal anxiety. I try to use photography to cope with it. Photography allows me to turn to the inside out.

Photograph by Wouter Brandsma