Continuation

2018, Photography, thoughts

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I hoped to get on a more regular blog posting schedule, but it didn’t happen. Instead I have been working really hard on my mental and physical recovery. I’ve come a long way since acknowledging my burn-out last year. I feel stronger, both mentally and physically. I especially use positive mindfulness to make me feel stronger, happier, and more positive. Interesting how much we can alter our perspectives and force our minds to get a more positive outlook. And I’m curious how it will affect my photography.

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More than ever I feel my phone is more than enough for my photography. The simplistic interface, no distractions, and the awareness of the camera’s limitations makes it my absolute favourite camera to use. The ability to change the camera user interface by changing apps and using airdrop to easily download photographs or videos to my Mac is absolutely fantastic. My real cameras start to collect dust, seriously.

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You see, we have our preferred processes. Some like film, some like rangefinders, some like landscapes, while others like portraits. I’ve written before that gear is just so much more popular to write and read about. It is easily consumable, while becoming a better and a more completed photographer takes so much more.

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That is however so difficult to understand and requires a different and whilfull mindset from the photographer to focus more on images instead. It is a popular subject to rant about. And honestly, often fueled from negative experiences.

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So why I should I be bothered about it? I shouldn’t! Do what you want, and feel good and happy about that. It is your path, your effort to personal fulfillment. Whatever that may be. Just do what feels right.

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I’m after my personal fulfillment too. And last year, with my depressed thoughts, the low self esteem, and lack of personal fitness, I was on a completely different path. Now, I feel completely different. I’m still the same person, but with another, more brighter outlook. And I’m trying to figure out how this affects my photography. I’m in search of a new beat, another rhytm, a flow that mixes well with my personal life and work.

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All photographs by Wouter Brandsma

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WEEK COLLECTION 31

2018, Photography

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It has been a long time since I posted something on my blog. Last year I took you with me on my struggle with a burn-out. I have come long way since them, but I’m still not at a point where I want to be. It is often a two steps forward, one step back process. And I need to take my time. I am able now to deal with doubt and anxiety. And I see and feel a lot more positiveness.

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One of the things I strongly notice is the desire to get out and photograph again. And I also sense a strong emotion that is withholding me from doing it. Photography is on my mind though. I gradually try to find a balance between family, work, and creating time and space for my photography again.

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I know, and also strongly believe, that I will start making photographs again. I long for the feeling of getting in a flow again, the stream of unconsciousness. I don’t feel the need to push it.

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So today’s collection is a small and moderate set of photographs from all the weeks I didn’t share any work.

All photographs by Wouter Brandsma

WEEK COLLECTION 28

2017, Photography

I have a burnout. It is what it is. I feel detached, and filled with doubt and anxiety. It crushes me. For sixteen years I ran on adrenaline, got in a survival mode with my wife to cope with our family situation, and the system that is me now came to a hold. I’m tired, exhausted in fact. I have to refuel and strengthen myself again. I’m working on it.

Therefore my collection of photographs is small, and to me it feels unfulfilling.

R0064078 blog

R0064045 blog

R0064097 blog

All photographs by Wouter Brandsma