In doubt again
Do you know that feeling of doubt? The feeling of uncertainty? Zack Arias told it so well in his film I mentioned in my previous post. He hated his photography in the winter, he thought it was bad. But when spring arrives the energy comes back again. Now, I wouldn’t call it a winter depression, but with the dark light and pooring rainfall it becomes so much harder to find interesting things to photograph. And this winter I made less photographs then last year. Why, I don’t really know.
Last year I had constant doubts about the reliability of my camera, the Ricoh GX100, but the camera was so much fun to use. It made me think differently and I saw compositions unconsiously everywhere. This winter I photographed with the much more reliable Ricoh GX200. No dust or other stupid things. The camera is solid. But the files ain’t. I have said it before in my first impression of this camera. And I did mention it again in my final impression of the camera. Maybe I am paranoid, maybe it is the flat greyish season, maybe I want them to be different (or the same, I don’t know). But what now?
… I hate that camera now. I think the files are horrible and I didn’t change a thing. No feel of details, no depth, no selective depth of field. Some things are because of the camera, some things because I don’t like it anymore, some things because I want to see things differently. This suit doens’t seem to fit me anymore. Maybe I need more sunlight. It is certainly cheaper then a new camera, and I don’t have the money for a new camera too.
Look, I don’t really believe that a new camera will make you a better photographer. You probably use the camera more often and that might influence your photography. I think you need to be ready for a new camera. But I think we are dependent on the seasons too, just like life. The changes of the seasons provoke us, but when the seasons settle in it becomes all the same.
At beautiful sunny days I love the winterlight, but I think the winter is awfull when the skies turn to grey. And it does so very often here. It seems the world turns grey. The leaveless trees show their naked truth and reality and that can be beautiful and freightening too. The spring is about new life, people start to shine, the world turning green again, colors apear, and it is time for discovery. The summer brings heat and moisture, I dislike blue skies, but love partly cloudy skies. The warmth bends the late night sunlight in such a beautiful manner with gorgeous shadows. Autumn shows the harshness and decay of our life, though sometimes very beautiful, you realize that the winter season will be back soon.
All photographs by Wouter Brandsma
When the creativity returns, the joy of my current camera will return again, I think, or I want to believe so. It all is without contrast now, and my camera performs so badly without contrast. I perform badly without contrast.